What to Wear to a Virtual Ball?

Bettina is headed to the virtual IBS Ball tonight. Honestly, she's relieved - not having to hear the sagas of lactose intolerance and gluten sensitivity. Not to mention the sad fruit kabobs, quinoa crackers and bowls of lightly salted almonds. There's something to be said for eating whatever you want regardless of digestive consequences because you live alone - and can't one simply enjoy a little contraband every now and then?

She has her own issues and in fact once went five days without pooping. She blames her Brie addiction. But now she's got the opposite problem. Her mother says it's a family trait - all the Hoadley women are stowed up.

"But I've been regular ever since I met your father," she once told Bettina. "Just wait, when you meet your man, the same thing will happen for you."

There's no reasoning with that kind of logic.